Comics Retro: Grow beard, get taller, learn kung fu

Here's what the average comic-book reader, who we will call Jeremy, could do thanks to the handy services that used to be offered up in comics. These were all found in just three comics from a stack picked up at a car boot sale.

First things first, Jeremy ordered his supply of smoke grenades and cherry bombs. These would be useful later.

Then Jeremy cleared his skin with a rocket to reveal a devastatingly handsome face.

With that done, Jeremy spent the next 7 days building his "Atlas body".

Meanwhile, he learnt Kung Fu and Karate and "breaking boards" at home.

Pretty soon he was impressing his friends with his fighting techniques and magic.

Of course, this didn't escape the attention of the most gorgeous girl in the school, who was particularly impressed with the full Moses beard he'd grown at the age of 13.

Oh, and have you gotten taller, Jeremy?

But wait, the most gorgeous girl in the school had already been going steady with the school bully for three weeks! Fret not! Jeremy defeated the school bully with his arsenal of smoke grenades and cherry bombs and won the girl's heart with the sound of his poetry set to music.

Jeremy later married the most gorgeous girl in the school making every one else jealous. He grew up to become taller, make money and be respected.

Thanks, comics!